just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
