I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
