You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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