So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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