My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
