I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
