so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
