apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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