it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish i was in the wii world.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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