I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
