i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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