can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
