HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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