Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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