ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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