just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
