she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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