Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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