1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had to cum in my sink.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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