Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
