I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
