You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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