so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
