Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
