my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
