Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
