wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
