I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
