She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
