Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize