my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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