just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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