so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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