I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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