And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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