I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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