his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
