does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
