I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
