And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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