Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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