Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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