Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
