im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
soo... how was my night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
