nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
