Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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