I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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