I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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