my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize