Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
