Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
