Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
