It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We have started to decorate penises.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
