just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
