i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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