I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
