My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
