One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
