So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
