apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize