After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
