what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
