nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
