DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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