I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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