This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
