I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
