My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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