I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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