Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
