So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
