from now on my penis is your penis
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
