My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
