Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
