the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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