you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
