he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
