it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
