I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
