so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
