Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
