So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
