Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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