I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
