exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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