New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
