It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
