I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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