I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
