You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
