If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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