I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We got so high we made milksteak
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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