I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
