my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
