smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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