And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
